Valentines day ruined is my husband a jerk? I don’t know what to do any more…?

My husband & I have been married 3 years & on every holiday he seems to be less romantic & doesn’t have time for me the worse thing he did last year on our anniversary day I told him I was going to do something special for him at night so I cooked his favorite dinner & got dressed up super sexy then I called him up to see if he was already on his way, well come to find out that he took his mom to have dinner instead I could even hear her in the background. On X-Mas he didn’t have time to get me a gift because he had been working so about 10 days later he got me a cell phone and payed the 1st mth , on my B-day on January 20 he used this exact same excuse that he didn’t have time to buy me anything, but let me tell you that his company gives them a lot of days off because its been kind of slow. Even at this I felt kind of bad because I understood that he might be a bit tired & wanted to rest and not be out shooping. But then 1 day before Valentines I give him his gift at night because he seemed all excited to open his gift since I got him 3 gifts wrapped up really cute but then the next day on Valentines day we both go to work he gets home like at 7pm and he was eating some of the chocolates I got him then he looks at me & tells me “I’m sorry I didn’t have time to get you a gift, but I’ll get you something some other day” then I tell him that its ok that he does’nt have to get me anything just because I got him something & he tells me what do I mean & I told him that he always uses that excuse & that I feel worse when he tells me that. Here he is telling me all this when he had been off for a week now & he had just work 2 days out of the week so we got into a huge argument I spend my Valentines night crying in my living room watching tv until like 3 in the morning. I guess I was fed up & he made me feel bad after telling me the same excuse so many times. He makes me feel as if I’m not worth his time he told me well what was I expecting roses & chocolates or what? I would of been happy with him at least been sweet and offering me some of the chocolates I got him or giving me a different excuse HONESTLY that would of made me happy but nope he had to say it again. Now please tell me what you think am I been selfish or mean by what I said or do you think I did the right thing??? What do you think about my husband does he seem like a jerk to you or is it just because I’m upset???

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15 Responses to “Valentines day ruined is my husband a jerk? I don’t know what to do any more…?”

  1. Veggie4life said:

    To me, it sounds like you don’t have a backbone. Here you are telling him “it’s okay, you don’t have to get me anything” and then he doesn’t and you act surprised?
    The problem is…you’ve catered to him WAY too much and so he’s a spoiled little brat. He doesn’t feel like he has to earn your love anymore because you just throw it at him all the time, even when he’s done nothing to deserve it.
    Why are you still getting him things for holidays when he does nothing for you? Why are you still cooking for him and dressing up all sexy? Where is your self-respect??
    It’s nauseating to read about when women do stuff like that and then wonder why they aren’t happy.

  2. Cravin said:

    Quit Doing Things For Him

  3. Someone said:

    V day is just 1 day of the year to say i love you. just one day. but your husband is their for you when you need him everday. who cares about v day as long as he’s done other positive things in your life. and hey it’z his mom, not any other woman, right? take a deep breath. let him know you felt left out on that day when everyone else is enjoying. be happy. i know it must have been hard on you. i was in a worse situation.

  4. Paul said:

    I think you might let him read this question. You are carrying this burden on your shoulders…so not only is he ignoring you, your carrying all the weight for it as well. Let him know how you feel, but gently. Let him know you can’t help it – you’re thinking about him all day, and you want to know he is doing the same about you. If he were to read your question, he would find two things – how hurt you are and how much you love him. Hopefully he sees both.

  5. Racer said:

    I agree… you gotta get some balls girl !! Why would you even let him treat you in this manner?? And why he keeps doing it… cause you let him !! I would be going down one side of him and up the other… I would never ever let any man talk to me or treat me the way yours is… He is totally disrespecting you…and let’s not even talk about love… ha…. barely even there on his part. He could care less about you… Time to toughen up girlie… or expect more of the same.

  6. mrs said:

    if you tell him it’s ok, then he thinks that it’s really ok. men are simple creatures. you hear what they hear. he can’t read you mind. if you want gifts, tell him that.

  7. Underwater Angel said:

    unfortunately, many women make the mistake of unnecessarily going wihtout things they need. For years they may long for the romance and gifts. But instead she spends on the kids or her husband.
    There is a natural response in all of us to love those whom we serve. We cease loving those we neglect. If we have a pet, for example, we love caring for it. But if we neglect it (leave it tied outside to a tree) we tend to lose love and interest in it. So you owe it to your husband and to your jmarriage to see that you obtain those things. Now remember he isnt a mind reader. And men tend to respond to rewards not nagging or complaining. So talk about the holiday before it comes and tell him you want to have a contest to see who can plan the best evening.
    good luck.

  8. fainstl said:

    But you’ve been enforcing his behavior.

    When you would give him gifts, and he wouldn’t give you anything in return, you’d always say, “that’s OK” when clearly it wasn’t.

    People treat us the way we allow them to.
    And if being treated like a doormat is not an option for you at this point, then open up your mouth and tell him that it hurts your feelings.

  9. ruth said:

    Gee whiz. He messed up Christmas, your birthday and V’Day? The only one you didn’t mention was your anniversary. (These are the biggies and guys know it. He knows it or he wouldn’t have taken his mother out–my guess is he’s a mommy’s boy)

    Leave him for awhile and see what he does… Don’t cheat, just go live your own life for a little while…

    If you have nowhere to go, just make your own life right there and ignore him and his life… Start saving up now…

    Edit: OOPS! Sorry, I see now that he did mess up the anniversary–I was skim-reading for time. Yup–he’s a jackass…

  10. tip said:

    he is cheap time to go

  11. Tricia T said:

    Question…has he always ot really been into holidays or is this a more recent development? If he always has not really been into holidays, then you knew he had this propensity when you signed up to marry him.

    Valentines day is one day in the year. How does he treat you the other 364 days? Is he a good provider? Does he treat you with respect? Is he faithful?

    Don’t diminish the other 364 days just because you didn’t get chocolate and roses one day. If he is normally a good guy and just not romantic for the Hallmark holidays, you need to alter your expectations with reality.

    BTW, if you really need to have roses and chocolate, buy them for yourself and then hand them to him and tell him this is what he is giving you. LOL. But seriously, that helps.

    OK, and I’m laughing because my husband said to me “I have to go get your card,” so I asked him “oh, did you leave it at the store?” Actually, he had bought one and it was still in the car. But it would have been fine with me if he hadn’t bought one.

  12. pooterilgatto said:

    Do not allow him to do that to you any more. It sounds as if he does not want any gift exchanges. Then just do not get him any gifts. Why would you want to reward this inappropriate behavior. Instead buy yourself a nice gift for your Birthday, and the other occasions . You will not be the only one doing that, many women do it. Men are known to be self centered, and often treat their mates badly. Not all men are like that, therefore your mate needs to learn how to treat you. I doubt that you will be able to teach him, however either a close friend, or perhaps even him Mom may be the person to do it. Perhaps seeing a counselor would be of help.

  13. i_ate_sponge_bob said:

    He is a jerk. Tell him that you feel like you aren’t worth his time.

    The anniversary thing… Well I hope you didn’t talk to him for at least a week after that debacle because that has got to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard, it’s not even like he forgot!

    And yes you should of been expecting roses and chocolates any woman should be treated on Valentine’s, my guy didn’t have much in the way of money but at least he took me out for bowling and let me whip his ass! Ok maybe he didn’t let me but you get the point!

  14. chato said:

    He is being really selfish & inconsiderate, He is not thinking about your feelings what so ever. Honestly will I was reading this I felt like punching your husband in the face. What a moron, he has a an amazing wife and he is taking her for granted. My ex wife would be on my case every single weekend that we never went out to dinner, I was the only one working, paying for everything and I was also paying for school. I sued to spend all my money on her and my son and still that was never good enough for her. Your husband is a damn fool and I hope he realizes it before he looses you..

  15. Salacious Crumb said:

    He’s an asshole.

    Why do you keep giving him sex whenever he wants it like everything is fine in your world.

    It isn’t. And you’re just reinforcing his shitty behavior.

    Guy’s an insensitive selfish douche bag.

    Remind us again why you married him.




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