How can I get over the fear of my husband having an affair?
I have been getting dreams about it. I have caught him cheating before about a year ago and for some reason I feel like he is going to do it again on this deployment. My trust issues are ruining the time we have together before he leaves in 1 week. How can i get over this fear?
March 28th, 2011 at 9:50 am
You cant without his help.
Have you tried therapy?
He broke your trust, that takes years to rebuild. You need time together not apart. Where is he deploying?
March 28th, 2011 at 9:51 am
follow your instinct we will cheat but there’s nothing you can do except leaving him
March 28th, 2011 at 10:02 am
you gotta forgive and let it go. If he is not true to his words. Leave, move on.
March 28th, 2011 at 10:03 am
You have never truly forgiven him and learned to trust again & that is why you have these fears. I am sorry you have to feel this way.
Mary in Camden, MI
March 28th, 2011 at 10:38 am
If there is one thing that I have learned it is that you can’t control what people do. I understand that it happened and it caused you grief, but if you have made the decision to move on do not continue to stress your self about the possibility of him having another affair. All that will do is keep you an emotional wreck and eventually push your husband away. What’s done in the dark will come to the light so if he does do it again you will know. Then you can make a clean break.
March 28th, 2011 at 10:58 am
The only way you can get over that fear is is two roads.
1. leave him because once a cheater always a cheater, for most of them.
2. not leaving him and accepting his faults, even thought you will feel fear for the rest of your life.
optional, althought not recommended:
3. cheat on him and see if maybe that fear will fall into place. maybe if you cheat on him, you wont worry that much about what he does and dont feel so cheated after all.
March 28th, 2011 at 11:49 am
Just try to be as positive as you can for now. What has worked for me in the past with a guy that cheated on me once, was to just try to be as loving to him and caring as you can, that way you know that he’ll be thinking of how lucky he is to have you when he is gone. And if there’s still some chance that he doesn’t, then you won’t feel any guilt about being mean to him or acting like you didn’t trust him, because you did and he will be the one responsible if he betrays that. I think it’s worse to feel the guilt of accusations and trust, in my personal opinion. Anyway well that is in the future, so try not to worry now, try to enjoy this last week that you have with him no matter what, you and him.