How can I get my kids’ dad to help discipline them?
We have two kids together (ages 5 and 7) and he has a son from his previous marriage. He lets them all get away with murder. When I try to set rules or tell any of them “no” about something, they ask him and he lets them do whatever they want.
He works outside the home, and I am a stay at home parent. I guess he thinks that makes child discipline solely MY responsibility. All he does when he comes home is lie on the couch and bark out orders, and when the kids get unruly, he tell s me. “DO SOMETHING WITH THESE KIDS!!!!!!!!!!” while he sits there and doesn’t do a damn thing about it.
February 7th, 2011 at 6:58 am
tell him
February 7th, 2011 at 7:17 am
sit down and talk to him…you have to be on the same page.
February 7th, 2011 at 7:42 am
Well, this is who he is. I’m sorry you couldn’t see that before, but you really can’t force him to do anything. If he wanted to back you up he would.
February 7th, 2011 at 8:05 am
Put a shock collar on his balls…
February 7th, 2011 at 8:38 am
Well, if he disciplines them, they might not like him. So — it’s up to you. Don’t worry – kids always love their mom. You can disciline the hell out of them and they’ll still love you.
February 7th, 2011 at 8:42 am
I think the best thing to do is leave the kids with him then you leave the house for a while that way he will have to do something with the kids. and it also gives you some time to yourself away from all the caous
February 7th, 2011 at 9:16 am
Go away for a weekend and leave all the responsibilities to him!
February 7th, 2011 at 9:50 am
Wait until the two of you are together and things are calm. Then explain to him that, if he wants you to discipline the children, he must stop countermanding you. Tell him that if he doesn’t stop changing the rules, you will go on strike. Then do it: stop disciplining the children at all. When he tells you to handle the kids, just say “I’m on strike.” If he wants you to take back over, he must promise to get behind you. Then call the kids in and announce together that things are going to change. Come up with a structure with specific punishments for misbehavior and rewards for good behavior. Then CALMLY enforce it. Good luck!
February 7th, 2011 at 10:48 am
Oh, I was (and sometimes still am) in the same boat! My son was, for the most part, a little angel around me, because I let him know what was expected of him. However, as soon as Daddy (hubby) was around, he felt he could run wild. After all, he was Daddy’s little boy – in Daddy’s eyes, he could do no wrong. Whenever I tried to discipline him, hubby would defend our son and criticize me for making him behave. So, our son started picking up the message that he only had to behave when it was just him and me, and the rules completely changed as soon as Daddy got home. The final straw was when our son was a little under 2, and we were having dinner with hubby’s sister and her family. Junior proceeded to repeatedly smack his older cousin on the arm and laugh hysterically, while Daddy, who was sitting right across from him, watched silently. I really exploded, removed Junior from the table, and told Hubby if he didn’t want to do his job as a parent, to give up his rights. Yes, it was harsh and not something I recommend, but it woke him up a little. He’s still not as apt to discipline our son as I am, but he does have expectations for our son’s behavior. As a SAHM, you are fully responsible for your kids while your husband is at work. But once he comes home, the parenting responsibilities should be split 50/50. Next time the kids are acting up and he barks orders, smile sweetly and say,
“Oh, are they bothering you? I didn’t even notice they were acting up.” Then excuse yourself and go out for an hour or so, saying you have to go to the store, or just get out for a little break. Tell him it’s HIS turn to discipline the kids, since you’ve been doing it for 7 years. Let him see what you do all day. Then remind him that both of you brought your kids into the world, and both of you are responsible for raising them. Good luck!
February 7th, 2011 at 10:53 am
Sounds like he thinks less of you because you are home. You need to sit hiom down and try to bring it up in a non confrontational way that he needs to step up and not only stop being such a jerk to you but help out with the kids because they are his too and you need to support each other.
February 7th, 2011 at 11:33 am
You and your husband need to sit down together and write down “The House Rules” then you need to have another list of “The Consequences for not following the house rules” and a third list for “Family Meeting”.
All lists can be posted on the refrigerator or a place that all family members can see. The consequence list can be revised with the kids so that they feel they had some input. Believe it or not it is funny to hear what punishment they feel is appropriate for themselves, sometimes you have to compromise. Anyway having a blended family you have to have the house rules in writing and what the punishment will be if the house rules are not followed, because the rules are the same for every child, no favortism. This way if your husband will not step up to the plate and help discipline you have the house rules to back you up. Also you will want to have a family meeting once a week or once a month so that each person can have some input on family events, family issues, chores, what is expected of each person, etc. Family meetings are great for blended families (Because it is not easy raising a child that is not yours, and the children having different parents, etc.), this gives you a chance to hear from the kids if something is bothering them, lets each member contribute to activities they may be interested in doing as a family. For example one child may want to go hiking as a family but Johnny wants to go bowling so at one of the meetings the family can discuss that one weekend when the weather is nice the family will go hiking and then the following weekend you all can go bowling. The blended family will get along much better when everyone feels they are being listened to and heard. Everyone likes it when they get to chose an activity that the whole family will do together. Remember family meetings can be open discussion. You can make it whatever you want. Each member can pick activities to do, meals they want, chores to be done, issues that need to be dealt with, etc. Hope this helps you and your family.