How do I help my husband to become more comfortable with negative emotions?

I am definitely the more neurotic of the two of us and I’m fine with the difference, but he doesn’t seem to know how to handle my negative feelings. Also, I expect him to share his negative feelings but trying to get him to do this is like pulling teeth. In specific I am looking for books that might help the two of us to reach greater coherence and understanding. Thanks!

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9 Responses to “How do I help my husband to become more comfortable with negative emotions?”

  1. Barney2009 said:

    I have a better idea. Why don’t you try getting rid of your negative emotions? I can’t believe you would be upset about him not sharing negative feelings. I would be grateful.

  2. cohsn said:

    You could try watching the movie Antichrist. “Never screw your therapist”.
    It’s best to get counselling for him, not try and change your husband yourself!

  3. Doorknob said:

    Sounds like you two need professional counseling before these problems are compounded.

  4. Angel said:

    It’s a two way street in a relationship. I get the impression you are too negative and he isn’t enough. I suggest you pick your battles more carefully. Noone wants to be around someone who is always complaining and unhappy. Make yourself happy and share that with your mate. On the other hand, he needs to learn to express his negative emotions because one day he will blow up and you will not recognize the person in front of you. Explain to him that you can’t work on his issues if he remains silent. When people hold things in it always comes out later in a bad way.

  5. Frank112 said:

    How about you stop being a psycho and leave the poor guy alone?

  6. quen said:

    Isn’t wonderful to know we have choices of who we are and never the same .We remain to try and be good and right ,with a wild light of sight ,wanting what fresh light is but a small walk to what’s right. Wonders of air, as you can be a delight or a creature that may take gliding first flight. Stead fast as you go , for the reaching that you wish, hold ,is a dream that few will go, afraid to kiss.. Along the way I hope and pray your air is but sweet for once you did see her,and if you are lucky you may one day meet her !

  7. Xanadu said:

    Daniel Goleman, Ph.D.

    Emotional Intelligence
    Social Intelligence
    (these are academic and psychological study books)

    John Eldridge (spiritual writer)

    Wild at Heart
    The Way of the Wild Heart
    (these are spiritual books written with a psychological perception)

  8. ouragon said:

    My husband is a neurotic, pessimistic, paranoiac. As an optimistic, happy, non-complaining person, I have zero interest in getting more comfortable with his negativity. If I were more like him, the relationship would implode because two people can only deal with so much negativity. Be careful what you wish for, and consider therapy for yourself. Medication is also correcting some of his pathology.

  9. rogue said:

    Forget it. You’re asking your husband to be a cat when he’s really a dog. It’s not within a mans nature to deal or want to be around negative emotions all the time. Men want to fix things and when you come to him with negative emotions he wants to fix them and make you “happy”. Unfortunately, you are so caught up in your self that no matter what he does he can’t fix it. In fact you probably already frustrated because he keeps wanting to fix it. STOP IT, you’re driving him crazy!

    So now that he has no clue where you are coming from, he starts running away from you. And the more he runs, the more negative your feeling and he runs harder. You are driving him away from you.

    Here are a few things you can do:
    1. Get yourself some help. Some counseling.
    2. Stop wanting to share your “negative emotions” with your husband. He has no clue about what you are talking about or feeling.
    3. If you want a pity party, husbands are party poopers. Get together with your girlfriends, your mother, gals at work, whatever. Constant negative emotions will probably, eventually, drive them away too, but at least they will last longer than your husband.
    4. Get over yourself. You are not the center of the universe. Get out and help others, or each day do a kind deed for someone. It doesn’t have to be big and grandiose. Wave hello to a neighbor, open the door for someone, pay the toll for the car behind you, etc. Once you start thinking of others and less of yourself, your negative feelings will start to diminish and you husband will start warming up to you again.

    You can do it. I believe in you!


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